sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
