The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
