I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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