I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
