Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
