the condom got lost in my hair
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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