I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
