man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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