Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
