I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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