Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Actions speak louder than pants.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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