This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
