Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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