Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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