do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
