I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
