You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
