Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
