My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
