I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
