i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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