John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
