After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
