My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
