I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's Friday. Sex?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
