Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
