Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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