Jerry, you need to find god
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
