I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
a search helicopter?!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
