yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
