At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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