I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
