Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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