I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have demons in me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize