totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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