this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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