When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
