So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
