I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
