i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
