Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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