just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
