Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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