It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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