Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
