I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
