If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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