i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
