I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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