the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
