dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
