My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my liver is dry heaving
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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