i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We had sex on a dog bed..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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