Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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