It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
