How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
