My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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