This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
