I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
