Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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