hotel room ftw
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
