The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
