She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
