I wish I could teleport
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
