recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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