I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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