We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so let's talk penis.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
