Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
