We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
