I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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