I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
