I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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