"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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