As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
