Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
